THE PREMIERSHIP IN KOREA

By Henry Bridge, in Seoul

In an effort to assimilate myself into Korean society, I took some time out over the weekend to watch some Premiership football on Korean TV.

Basically it works like this: every weekend, the ESPN programme planners survey the weekend’s fixture list, identify what the most exciting and important fixtures are, and then just show Manchester United anyway, whoever they be playing (if United happen to be playing on a Sunday, they compromise by showing Reading instead, because they have some Korean playing for them).

The show is presented by two fellas who look like the Korean version of Ant and Dec; they also do the commentary as well. They have some interesting quirks: they get very excited by long range shots that are miles off target, while often when goals are scored they hardly seem to notice, just carry on chatting away anyhow.

Half time analysis goes something like this (Note – may not be a literal translation as my Korean isn’t very good. You get the general gist though.):
“Park is playing very well, Brian.”
“Yes, Bill, he is having an outstanding game.”
“Could this be the best game he has ever played for Manchester United?”
“It may well be, Bill, he is certainly becoming an integral part of this team. I think he is the key player in this United side. He may even be better than Pele and Muhammad Ali rolled into one.”
(All this over montage of key moments of first half: Park has shot that goes wide; Park makes tackle; Park plays square ball to Gary Neville, who is five yards away; Rooney scores outstanding goal to complete his hat trick, Park gives Rooney a hug; Park takes a throw in; Park gobs on ground).

Full time analysis is more of the same, without a laser pen in sight. John Giles would not survive long in this studio.

Because the matches are played in the middle of the night in Korea, they are repeated the next day. Endlessly, back to back, all day. Usually the same match. It will be repeated all day the following Saturday too, as a preview to next week’s action.

The rest of the week, they just show wrestling.

Eamon Dunphy, oh how I miss you.

This article originally appeared in print in STIG Volume VII, Issue I