A WEEK IN THE LIFE OF A PAT’S FAN

by Kevin Burke

THURSDAY

Another week of eL action is upon us and Saint Patrick’s Athletic Incorporating Saint Francis Football Club are still top of the league! Or at least, we will be once we get our nine points back which those cheating bastards Shelbourne cost us. “You didn’t post the letter properly” – I’d like to see a Shels fan post a letter properly! But no worries – after dispensing of UCD tomorrow, the Super Saints will be another step closer to bringing the title back to the Stadium of Light!

FRIDAY

CHEATING BASTARDS!!! That’s all I can say. Utter cheating bastards! How the ref could disallow those two goals I don’t know! And that shot off the bar was blatantly over the line! And there was a stone on the pitch when they scored their winner!!! At least we’re still top of the league, so justice will prevail and the league will come back to the Dublin Supersaints in the Stadium of Light!

SATURDAY

YEEEESSSSSSS!!!!! Those cheating bastards Shels have lost to Longford! What sort of disorganised rabble can’t win in Longford?! I mean, the only reason we didn’t win there was because their cheating distracted us! In any case, this is surely the catalyst for the league to return to the Supersaints in the Stadium of Light!

SUNDAY

Went down to watch the reserves play – the green cuffs on the away strip look great – worth buying a football club for. Not to mention getting a bye into the second round of the League Cup! Not much cheating going on today. Won 5-0.

MONDAY

League Cup second round day. 0-0 against Dundalk, but we won 5-3 on penalties. One shot on target in the entire game, and almost as many accurate passes. Heard The Chosen One giving an interview afterwards – “A great advertisement for the eircom League”, he said. Not sure I agreed, but who am I to argue?

TUESDAY

Tuesdays can only mean one thing – The Chosen One’s column in The Star. Great little piece today – about how that cheating bastard Dermot Keely had been complaining that Shels had been distracted from winning in Longford. “That wouldn’t have happened to a well-prepared team”, he wrote. Take that, Keely!

WEDNESDAY

No football today, so I went out onto the balcony in the flat for some practice for the game at the weekend against Cork. Stones in the hand, passers-by below – perfect! Maybe having stones thrown at them will learn those cheating bastards!!!

SPAISFFC ’Til I Die!!!!!!!!!!!

This article originally appeared in print in STIG Volume I, Issue VII