COUNTRY NEWSPAPER SECTION

Yes, it’s back. The weird and wonderful world of the completely objective country newspaper. This issue – the Derry Journal. The following all appeared in some random punter’s column (he didn’t give his name, and with good cause). Spot the trend...

Depends how you look at it

Recently, referee Anthony Buttimer awarded a goal to Drogheda United when the ball was quite clearly at least a yard from crossing the goal line. It was undoubtedly a real howler for which Mr Buttimer was rightly given a four-week suspension.

Unlike Mr Tuite, who, for three even more important howlers against Derry City will, most likely, be recommended for the FIFA list for the 2010 World Cup. So why the tremendous diversity in treatment? Well, Mr Buttimer’s mistake was against a Dublin team, Bohemians, while Tuite’s actually went in favour of another Dublin side, Shelbourne. No great surprise there, then.

Reasonable offer to the FAI

I haven’t cleared it with Stephen [Kenny] yet, but in order to save Pat Fenlon the embarrassment of not being able to face a post-match interview after being, yet again, unable to beat a crippled team, or the FAI having to send us up another from their excellent array of Dublin referees, I would like to make an offer to Merrion Square/Tolka Park. What if, when Shels come up here in a couple of weeks’ time, we play without a goalkeeper and a back four, and have the remaining six play with their legs tied up behind their backs? Shels should then have a glimmer of hope of actually beating us, and it could help dilute the serious threat of a team from outside Dublin winning the league.

And, even more important, the possibility of City winning another treble.

Long shot

On Saturday morning, I rang up Willie Duffy’s office and talked to William. "What would be the odds on two goalkeepers being red carded by two dreadful decisions in successive games?"

William thought for a moment. "Ridiculous figures", he replied. "Would you say a thousand to one?", I continued. "You could multiply that by at least five, I’d think.", was his informed assessment. What I forgot to ask him was what the odds would be in the eircom League. But then, I already knew the answer. If Derry City are one of the teams, it’s odds on!

Mr Paul Tuite

Before last Monday night’s League Cup final, I found myself standing outside the Shelbourne dressing room. Their players were coming and going from the pre-match warm up when the fourth official went into their dressing room to do whatever they do before a game. As the door was open, it was easy to hear (and see) what was going on. I would have to say here that there was nothing in any way untoward taking place other than to express a view that he atmosphere was much more relaxed than I was used to as a player. But I put it down just to Dubliners interacting with each other.

In the game itself, he, as the fourth official, was standing no more than five yards from the incident where Owen Heary punched Killian Brennan in the groin, an action for which the man who scored Shelbourne’s first goal on Friday night should have had a straight red and, consequently, should not even have been playing at Tolka Park. Now there are two scenarios here. If Mr Tuite did not actually see the incident, then he has absolutely no place in any refereeing panel. Visual impairment is not usually regarded as a plus for aspiring referees. On the other hand, if he did see it, then why was no action taken?

Anyway, the same individual then refereed Derry’s league meeting with Shels at Tolka Park. And we all know what happened there. With Darren Kelly back in the goal area, and another Derry defender covering Jennings, the "last man" escape hatch for him has been slammed shut. Similarly the foul itself. I personally don’t even think it was a yellow card. Had it been perpetrated by an outfield player, it would not have drawn a second glance. But isn’t that exactly what a goalkeeper outside his area is – an outfield player. But Mr Tuite couldn’t wait to reach for the red – and my personal fears were realised.

I’m told, actually, that with the same hairstyle, Paul Tuite models himself on Pierluigi Collina. But with an astounding lack of success, I’d have to say.

Facing the music

After last Friday night, it is surely time to insist that referees make themselves available for post-match interviews to give us all an insight into the workings – or otherwise – of their thought process. Incidentally, I’m informed that, in the very week of Pat Jennings’ sending off, the IFA had issued a directive that such a foul be punished only by a yellow card.

So it would have been even more interesting to hear Mr Tuite’s explanation of what everyone in the game (including Shelbourne’s Mick Neville) agreed was a dreadful decision. Maybe if they had to face the public, they would not be so keen to dash for the red cards.

This article originally appeared in print in STIG Volume 6, Issue 7